How to Become Kanto's Number One Baddest Powerbabe
by LilianClassic
Summary: "Kanta smelled like stale piss and crumpled up money that gets trapped under your couch for an eternity and a half. It was an odd smell, yet somehow strangely comforting to Kosuna who had been the legendary mercenary's assistant for a little while now." Set in episode 11, a little ficlit where Kosuna muses on the Demon of the Desert.


**AN: Whoo, it's been a long time coming! I haven't written ANY fics at all for about a year, and what do you know randomly today I get a smidgen of inspiration and go to work. "Desert Punk" is my favorite anime, and favorite show, EVER so I've always wanted to write a fic about it, but I never knew what to write. Well, here's something, it's not the best, but I had fun writing it. Give it a review if you would be so kind, I'd like to hear some opinions on it, and most likely I'll fix it up later with some better lines and what not. I just wanted to put it up now...just because :P Ok, I'll shut up now!**

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How to Become Kanto's Number One Baddest Powerbabe

Kanta smelled like stale piss and crumpled up money that gets trapped under your couch for an eternity and a half. It was an odd smell, yet somehow strangely comforting to Kosuna who had been the legendary mercenary's assistant for a little while now. However he had been gone an awfully long time since he decided to drop Junko off in his super secret, creepy love dungeon, so the smell was starting to waft away a little, which made Kosuna realize how disgusting it was that she had gotten used to that scent in the first place.

She had followed him relentless until he finally gave in to her demands to train her to become the Great Kanto Desert's number one baddest powerbabe, well, not so much gave in, he more allowed her to follow him around and carry the equipment. Grunt work, he liked to call it, and he reminded her everyday that she was a still just a flat chested grunt. Still, it was a vast improvement over being tied to that other loser who couldn't even defeat The Punk with an assistant such as herself, the Shimmer Sniper, even if she did have to lie about her mother's melons to Kanta. Oh well, c'est la vie as they say, or something French like that.

So now Kosuna found herself all alone, sitting at the watering hole, waiting for her master to show up again. What a drag. She slumped in her seat, stirring her orange water with the straw that was plopped in the glass, her eyes glazed over as she watched the townspeople walk by her. Everyone always looked so busy in the Great Kanto Desert which she supposed made sense, people had to stay moving to keep alive in this scorching hell on earth and didn't she know it. Still, wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just take it slow for once and find some shade? That's what she had been doing for the past few days and look at her, she was perfectly…bored. Good god was she bored.

She swiveled around in the chair, drink in hand, and started sipping on the straw, her eyes shrinking from the sun and the bright blue sky. It had been ten days, TEN DAYS since Desert Punk had gone off with that tramp, and surely he would have been back by now? But no, she had checked a few days ago, sneaking off to that hole in the desert he built, trying to see if there were any signs that Kanta had left; nope, zip, zero. She banged on the door but no answer, she even tried to open it but it was shut tight. Did it really take him that long to do what ever pervy thing he was trying to do in there? She never figured him for the cuddling type. But knowing him he was probably no farther along then he had been with Junko the skank before. Kosuna grimaced, what a gross thought; it was bad enough when she found him with his pants down after that dog woman incident, but now this. A shiver went through her.

A crowd of kids rushed by her, a few giant beetles being walked, some shopkeepers making their rounds across the streets, their voices high and shrill with promises of cheap prices. She sipped a bit more at her drink and scanned the area, hoping against hope that the Punk was on his way back, to no avail, of course. Most likely he was stuck down there, but how the hell was she supposed to get him out? A boy, another apprentice like her, walked by and gave her a short wave and a quick smile, Kosuna blinked for a moment before sucking down the last bit of her orange water and giving a long sigh when she was finished.

"Mmm," she stated, leaning back in her seat, her pink cheeks shining in the sun, her mouth curled into a smile. "Nothing like some orange water on a nice hot day!"

The boy looked at her, his brows furrowed a bit and walked on, trying his best to ignore her now. That should teach him, Kosuna thought, she knew the whole town had been talking smack about Kanta's disappearance. She wouldn't justify the rumors by acting like a sick puppy.

"Mmm, MMMMMM!" she mmmed so everyone could hear just what a great time she was having sipping away on as many orange waters as she wanted. The town continued on as normal, no one paying a head to what the pink haired little girl was doing and Kosuna slumped down in her seat again.

"Who am I kidding?" she said to herself, "I'm dejected and bored, while master is off masturbating," she pouted.

"Hey Kosuna," said a familiar voice. She looked to her left and Akio, one of the Machine Gun Brothers, was there smiling at her, the rest of his crew suddenly circled around her as well. "So, what's Kanta up to? Haven't seen him for a while."

He flashed her a toothy grin and suddenly Kosuna knew how she could get her Master out of that creepy love dungeon he had built himself; surely the Machine Gun Brothers could bust through it! The gears in her head slowly began to turn and she knew that once she got Kanta out of that festering cave in the middle of the desert there would be no way he could ever repay her…unless. Surely once she saved his filthy hide he'd promote her to her rightful place as the baddest powerbabe in all of the Great Kanto Desert, she, the apprentice who had single handedly saved him, or at least had come up with the idea. Life was so, _so_ sweet sometimes, what could go wrong with a full proof plan like this.

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**AN: So, what do you think? Mehh, I need to make it funnier! Reviews appreciated! :D**


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